Right now i juz feel like wanting to write about my past crush when I was 12
Standard 6 : 12 years old : the young me!!~
I used to have a huge yet confusing crush towards this lil boy my age. I could say that he is the most attractive boy in my class. So, I always took a peek at him whenever he's not looking. Until one day, I built up my courage to dare giving him a letter of confession. Yeah, I'm old-fashioned. So what!! I didn't care as long as he realized my feelings toward him.
At that moment, I didn't have high hopes that he would respond. Luckily, the next day I received a reply letter under my desk. I was so happy and couldn't barely waited for school hours to end. The moment I reached home, I rushed into my room and quickly read the letter. I'm really shocked that as I read the shabby writings of his, he also explained how he felt the same way as I did.
The 'love letter' exchanged quite a lot which as I could remember,I've collected almost 12 of them.I kept them in a small box under my bed until one day my sis discovered the contents. I was so ashamed that she made fun of me being in 'lovey dovey' mode.
So,I decided to stop writing and wanting to end that feeling right away. I stopped replying his letters and always managed to avoid looking at him in the eyes. I was terribly sad but I've made a decision to focus on my studies. He started asking my friends for my sudden change but my loyal friends always said that I've stopped loving him.Just like that.
One day, I got sick and I skipped my evening class. I was in a Nasyid (like a singing grp) group for my evening school and we have a competition for the becoming week. So, my teacher had distributed cloths for us to wear during the competition. Unfortunately, all of my close friends lived quite far from my house thus nobody volunteered to give the cloth to me. So, I just said to my teacher who called me that day to keep that cloth as I will collect it on the next day. However, she replied to me that someone had already volunteered. I was wondering hard then.
The evening school ends at 5.30PM. So, I waited for about half an hour wondering who might have volunteered to give my cloth. About 45 minutes later, my lil brother ran outside the house to catch a butterfly. I went after to catch him as I saw a boy on his bicycle with a bag on his hand. Its him!!! My first crush!! He seemed terribly shy yet sending me a wonderful smile of his. I caught my lil brother, brought him closer to my arms and went to meet the boy.
Oh my!! I forgot to wear my hijab!! But, I quickly met that boy and he passed the bag of cloth to me. I said thanks and hurriedly went inside the house. He waved goodbye but I ignored him. Then he went home with a disappointed look on his face.
On the next day, he asked my friends about me. He asked weather I wore hijab after school or not. I do wear hijab outside the house but the day he saw me, I was trying to catch my brother. After my friends explained about me, he commented "Her hair is very beautiful". I heard these stories from my friends. Although I was very happy, I asked my mom to cut my hair immediately as feel wronged at the same time.
The big UPSR day had arrived and all of us wished good luck to each other. The boy just looked at me and gave a meaningful smile. I didn't smile back and looked the other way around. Stupid!!! Three days had passed and we were finally free~ Then I heard a bad news. The boy is going to move to Pahang due to his father's job. I had a very disappointed feeling that we might never saw each other again. I was sad.
A week later, during the evening school, my friends had arranged a meeting of me with the boy. They forced me to go but I refused. Actually, I did want to meet him but my body wont respond to me. Therefore, I had made him waited alone until the school ends. The next day, he was not around anymore.
I cried quietly at night worrying that my sis would hear me sulking. I convinced myself that he was not meant for me. I didn't deserve him. A month passed by and it was time for the UPSR result to be announced. Suddenly, the class cheered my name. I was shocked as I saw that boy walked into the class and greeted all of us. I cried and I'm ashamed. He didn't even looked at me. But I'm also happy to see him again.
The results were announced and Alhamdulillah,all of us passed with flying colors. Once again, my friends asked me to meet him. The same thing happened again as I refused and I said that this is not the time for us to be in love. The school hours had ended and we went back home, satisfied with our UPSR results. I saw him from afar and smiled. That was the last time I met him face to face. You gave me the best feeling for having such a sweet crush on you. Thank you and I will never forget this moment and all of our memories that we have built together.
Well folks, that's all of it. You might hate me for being such a jerk but I believe that I had made the right decision as this event have made me for who I am now. I do think that most of his feelings towards me might be due to my selfish confession and I do felt guilty about it. Well, a lot of time had passed by and I knew that he had got over it as well. Duhh, its monkey business after all..lolz~
But anyways, I will find my true partner someday, he might as well love me for who I am and accept me for what I did~
Thank you for reading ~jaana!!~
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